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hi 😘 so you’ve maybe noticed i’ve been more quiet than usual..
🕑 Added 2022-02-28 10:57:22 +0000 UTC hi 😘 so you’ve maybe noticed i’ve been more quiet than usual for a while (or maybe that’s just me having a big head) 😅 and i’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but i wanted to do it properly, and that required time to pause - and i couldn’t afford this luxury, and most importantly - a certain kind of effort that i just couldn’t find the strength to pull off 😮💨 in the beginning of the year, i decided that my word for 2022 will be **intention**, alongside its family of derivatives: *intentional, intentionality, intentionally etc*. I wanted to stop coasting day in and day out, and instead move with intention, with purpose, with will. However, the universe really does love irony, because the days that followed have laid a true challenge to follow through with that plan. when i was told about my rent increase, i had what felt like an anxiety attack. i was quite unhappy in my job for a while, feeling quite purposeless and stuck, and yes - i was also applying for the data scheme, but i didn’t know if i’ll get in and i didn’t really have any alternative plan. so all the different worries that were simmering for a few months, have been suddenly set on high fire and i found myself unable to prevent it from overspilling. it’s curious how powerful perspective really is, because it’s not even two months later and i already see this in such a different light, but everyone has 20/20 vision in hindsight. what i certainly failed to see in the moment is that those news were a blessing in disguise, as after some careful consideration i decided to take a break from my job, as well as from the city i live in currently, and hit the road for a bit. start with spending some time with my family, visit my lover and then who knows - the world (and my savings) is the limit. but i certainly need some time to pause, breathe, unclench. when all of this was unravelling i thought it’s only January and i’m already failing in my intention of being intentional, but i now realise that reaction and intention aren’t mutually exclusive, and you are the one holding the power to decide how you will react to something; also you can only be intentional about something in your control, and often - the only thing in your control is your reaction. so now, when my plans risk being turned upside down again because of an ego maniac, with a napoleon complex, i’m trying to remember and apply that learning. i’m trying not to waste any energy on unproductive panic, and try to keep myself healthy and well so that my family has one less worry. I am trying to write a bit more, as I thought it could be nice to try and catch some of the constant stream i’m hearing daily, because my mind likes to wonder and it can be difficult to keep up. and, of course, as i briefly mentioned before, i got accepted into the data science programme, which is starting this evening! i am super excited as i love learning, and being in full time work i missed doing it. speaking of which, i submitted my notice officially last monday, so i have another three weeks with them. therefore, my march will be extremely full, I will have work in the day, my course in the evening, as well as trying to arrange the logistics related to moving away and ending my tenancy. it does feel overwhelming at times, and last week, as i was waking up the first thought on my mind was that i am one day closer to it all, as i decided to not think about it in february. but i am also excited: to see my family, to hopefully spend some time at home if that will be possible, and to then be reunited with my favourite person to cuddle with. but until then, i intend to face this intense period bravely and focus on my priorities: ✨do well in my course; ✨organise the needed arrangements related to move out and departure; ✨provide myself with a good diet and cut down on detractors (weed) i don’t know how active i’ll be able to be on here throughout march, so i perfectly understand if you decide to pause your membership. but i would invite you to make sure you’re back here for mid April (15th to be precise), as that’s my one year anniversary and i like a good party 😉
