Blah! Please don’t read this if you don’t like emotions
I ..
🕑 Added 2020-06-20 18:51:40 +0000 UTC
Blah! Please don’t read this if you don’t like emotions
I think the reason why I’m feeling so unbalanced right now is because my two worlds and the people in them are completely clashing.
In real life, I’ll connect with and old friend through social media, or I’ll run into them in person and we instantly catch up. and that feels so good, to see someone in person and to have a real conversation with them that isn’t behind a computer screen.
This week when I was by the lake this really nice girl introduced herself to me and we connected on so many levels and we shared a lot with each other that day.
But the problem is I go to make plans with these people and they just don’t respond. Absolutely nothing and I don’t know why. Every single time and I’m not making that up
I get bumble and I try to date but no one is interested once they find out what I do and that I have herpes
And then online everyone thinks I’m someone to envy over and sometimes I get a lot of hate for it. People don’t let me complain because they think I have it so good.
Guys tell me everything will be okay and that I should know how pretty and wanted I am because of what people say online.
But people don’t say that to me in person.
People don’t want to be my friends or sleep with me in real life.
The only people who want me are the ones online and unfortunately none of them are near me. Or I’m not attracted to them which makes me feel awful, but I can’t be attracted to everyone. But if I’m not I feel like it’s a never ending circle where I can’t make people happy and I’m also not happy myself.
And in real life I just want a friend or someone to talk too but everyone thinks I’m too weird and that’s just me being completely honest. I’m a little weird too I know it but I used to really like it.
I hate myself for being so needy right now because so many people are suffering with real issues but I feel like I had to let you guys know because I literally just took a break but I already feel gross
I just wish I could figure out life for once lol
I will say I can’t have online relationships. I don’t understand how they work, especially when it comes to friendships. I feel really hurt and protective of myself when people are always worried about me, I find it annoying for some reason. I just want people who I can be happy with all the time but that’s not possible.
I’m also attracted to people who I feel like need help but once they don’t accept my help I take it personally and move on. I’m literally a monster in that way.
So I’m probably the main reason why my life sucks, also being raised by narcs has really damaged a lot inside me that I thought I fixed in therapy but it’s starting to come out again. I can’t wait to go back when my girl is seeing people again but I don’t know when that will be and online therapy is not for me.
I’ll probably delete this in a bit but just wanted to get some things off my chest
