Ohhhhh I forgot to say it’s my time of the month for a coupl..
🕑 Added 2020-12-12 15:05:03 +0000 UTC
Ohhhhh I forgot to say it’s my time of the month for a couple days so I’ll be back with new content in a day or two but I also have some super exciting news :3
I finally found a personal trainer and I’m really excited to start working out with them! One of the thing I struggle with at the chiropractors is my alignment, and even though I get adjusted, my muscles aren’t strong enough to keep those adjustments where they should be, and overall I favour one side when I’m doing exercises and stretching so the left side of my body is a little messed up
I went from working 60 hours a week on my feet, under lots of pressure and stress, to having so much more time to focus on my posture and health, but it’s still pretty damaged and wacky from all the stress I put on it in retail and all the other jobs I had before this. But I know I’ll be feeling a lot more balanced and equal strength on both sides of my body soon and that gives me so much motivation to do this.
Also thanks for all the gifts this week :3
I got a lovely hanging planter which didn’t come with a name that it was sent from anyone, but thank you so much for the art apron and ty Chris for the little kitty gift it was super nice to have this week 😊
I’ll just pop this last little bit in at the end but at much as I’m excited that I’m talking to my dad again and I have him for Christmas, I can’t help but think about my little sister and all the other family I can’t see because I work in the porn industry now. I know it’s important to focus on what I do have, you guys and my dad, but it’s been really hard trying to do that. I really appreciate all the love and support I get around Christmas, this is probably the hardest time I have trying to balance out my emotions.
When I was younger, Christmas meant getting all dolled out in cute Christmas dresses. We would drive an hour to my grandparents house where all the other family was. There was at least 50 people all together every Christmas, and through the deaths of all my grandparents, my family slowly grew apart and now no one plans anything.
It’s really felt like I’ve lost people my entire life. My dad remarried another women and she also had a massive family, from the time I was 7 to the time I was 17, they called me family. But when my dad and step mom got divorced, even the person I thought was my granny for all those years stopped talking to me, and again it felt like I lost a huge part of my family, even though they were never mine in the first place, they always called us water not bloodd ;)
So by the time I started selling a couple years ago, I only had a small and close family left. My aunt, mom, sister and step dad all freaked out when they found out I was selling photos of myself for money, and they stopped talking to me after shaming me in person and on the phone about how embarrassed they were and how disappointed they were.
So I lost another chunk of family, the last chunk of family I had. The only people who didn’t freak out were my dad and my brother, I love them so much.
It’s been really hard, but I don’t think life is meant to be easy. During all these hard times in my life, I’ve been there for myself every second. I’m not always the best at taking care of myself, but it does get so much easier as I go on. The hurt I feel comes up sometimes and I cry for a few days, but I used to go into deep depressions I wouldn’t come out of for months, and now I just let myself be sad for a day or two, and I always feel so much better.
Actively and publicly working on myself and career has attracted me some strong ass supporters. Your worlds fuel my motivation and remind me I’m not alone, and there’s nothing to be scared of. You’re all working on yourselves too and becoming the best versions of yourself, I love hearing how you guys are doing and improving in life, it really motivates me too.
I know at the end, after all the people I’ve lost and after all the tears I’ve shed, I will be a much stronger and wiser person. I know how to be treated, and I know how to treat people, with kindness and respect. I’m sorry if I’ve ever focused on the wrong people, I always feel like I need to defend myself but that’s just not true.
I’m done wasting energy on people who don’t agree with who I am or what I do, there’s so many who appreciate me and my content, that’s where my focus should be and will be, I promise ❤️
I love you all so much,
Please look and take care of yourself,
Diamonds are formed under pressure ya know ;)
