Hi all -
Just a little update. I'm having some, shall we sa..
🕑 Added 2020-10-10 17:01:20 +0000 UTC
Hi all -
Just a little update. I'm having some, shall we say, mental health blips at the moment (oh, and by the way, I was poorly, but thankfully tested negative for Covid - a big relief, until I get another inevitable winter cold, anyway!) - the north east of the UK has been heading back into some serious restrictions and lockdown again and there's really no end in sight. It's depressing me that there are no possibilities for any latex events on the horizon whatsoever (and I am now realising more and more that I really do need the vibe from these events to keep my 'kinkometer' high!) - and now in the north east it's illegal to even go to another household's bloody garden, never mind indoors, so it's currently impossible for me to arrange any more photoshoots, latex get-togethers or play sessions... it's really bumming me out, to be honest. I don't feel myself at all, and I'm wondering what on earth is going on with me! But I think the whole thing is just really getting to me. It's getting to the point where I'm scared to log on to OnlyFans because I am absolutely horrified that I am being such a disappointment! I really want to get back to my normal self and I miss everything I was doing before, but I feel a bit like an alien or a zombie at the moment... I just don't know how to get going with it again? Those of you who follow me on Instagram or Twitter will probably have noticed I haven't posted there in ages either, and I'm quite frustrated with myself about it.
Obviously I have to find a way to overcome this without relying on the possibility of future events and so on. I still have some lovely gear on the way (still waiting for that HW Design Corset of course) and I certainly do have a lot of things planned that I would like to do, such as play videos with the new ball hood and Studio Gum gas mask, something for Halloween, more live videos etc. As well as getting back to custom videos that I owe and that I want to offer more of in the future too. You have all been incredibly patient with me and I really appreciate it, I just don't know how to overcome the pit I'm in at the moment - I feel like I've honestly lost part of my personality, which I really miss, I just don't quite know where it's gone!
I am sure everyone is suffering a bit during lockdown. I naively didn't expect us to have another really restrictive time in the UK again, and my area is pretty much the worst at the moment (it's hard not to feel segregated from the south, in fact). It makes me anxious that we won't be able to have some of the atmosphere that we used to have at clubs. I even tried playing a bit of techno music (a la KitKat) the other day to get into the swing of things, but I think I basically need to be surrounded by sexy people doing sexy things... or have something shiny and flamboyant to look forward to, at least!
Anyway... I thought I'd better post something just to explain myself. I am terrified to disappoint others and I've pretty much been beating myself up about this for the last few days. I have set a little time aside tomorrow, let's see if I can manage to do something with the new ball hood and catch up on customs - thank you again for your patience. I also have 16 DMs to look at (does anyone else get that fear about checking their mail or emails, even if they're not expecting anything that is actually bad?!)
Hell, I don't even know if I can muster the enthusiasm to carve a pumpkin this year, and I usually do epic ones..! But Trick or Treating isn't exactly sanitary, is it? Tell you what, maybe I can do a latex pumpkin carving video too, at least it would be a laugh - though I'm not sure how epic it would be, my pumpkins usually take hours and hours. ;) Shoot me some ideas though, maybe I can do a gas mask one!
