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today is my 7 year sobriety anniversary! ๐ the first two pho..
🕑 Added 2023-06-22 13:02:07 +0000 UTC today is my 7 year sobriety anniversary! ๐ the first two photos are of me now. The third is a comparison of my small drug addict butt to my big bouncy ice cream loving and exercise engaging butt! the last two photos are of me towards the end of my addiction when I was only 80lbs. You can't spend money on food if you've already spent it all on drugs! I started using drugs when I was 13. I wanted to give my brain a rest from the constant world of upset I lived in. Soon, I was addicted to heroin, crack, benzos, methadone, opiate pills, and alcohol. I OD'd. I was homeless. I was incredibly sick and battling constant infections. I got all of my money by holding a sign that said "anything helps, thank you" on street corners and praying for kind people to take pity on the wretch I had become. I did irreparable damage to my body and mind. 7 years later and my lungs don't function well, my hypothalamus is damaged so I have trouble regulating my body temperature, the left side of my body is constantly flexed and uncomfortable. My hands are swollen from the numerous time I shot black tar into them. I have no veins left in any part of my arms or hands, my circulatory system is, for lack of a better term, completely fucked. If I need lab work or an IV, they need an ultrasound to find anything. Phlebotomists hate me, and I don't blame them. I was born with a chemical imbalance in my brain, drug use only made it worse. I have always dealt with a paranoid psychosis, depression, and chronic insomnia (from as far back as I can remember, even at age 4... thanks for the genes, mom n' dad!) but the PTSD gained from my years spent sick, broke, addicted and homeless will always haunt me, and keep me constantly, annoyingly vigilant. But, I can say that today I am stronger than I ever have been! ๐ช๐ฅ My mental and physical health have recently been in decline due to how rough 2023 has been to me (rest in peace, sweet Astro) but it is still sooooo much better than it was back then. I've grown and learned a lot. The bad memories remain, but I continue to use the lessons taught to me from the many mistakes made during those horrible years every day. Addiction is a horrible mental illness. Unfortunately, by the time things get out of hand, it's too hard to quit. You can die from the shock of opiate withdrawals. The pain is undescribable. You ache AWFULLY from head to toe, you puke, you shit yourself, you shake, you sweat... take the worst flu you've ever had and multiply it by 100, that's what it feels like... and you know there is one thing out there that will cure all of your symptoms within seconds. And you know what the worst part of is? Even from that description I just gave you, I still think about relapsing when I have a bad day. How scary is that? I've spent a lot of time in rock bottom's basement, but every day I climb the ladder out of it. Little by little, progress is made... I hope it continues to go that way. ๐ค Even with all of the horrors I faced on a daily basis, I do my very best to stay positive and spread positivity! There is enough misery out there so my goal these days is to make others smile and to have as much fun as possible! โค๏ธ๐งก๐๐๐๐ Sorry that this isn't ~sexy~ but this is an important anniversary to me and wanted to share it with those of you who have stuck around as this page loses more and more subscribers each day. ๐ If you'd like to help me get a little treat to celebrate this day, please leave a tip :3 aaaaand I'll stfu now. Back to the usual sexy posts tomorrow. ๐
