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On Christmas of 2020, my fiancé left me. In response, I spen..
🕑 Added 2022-03-14 15:37:55 +0000 UTC On Christmas of 2020, my fiancé left me. In response, I spent the majority of 2021 self destructing until I met Work Crush in September and we started dating in October. Christmas of 2021, exactly one year after my fiancé left, Work Crush stopped talking to me until New Years Eve when they officially broke up with me. I took the breakup with Work Crush really hard because it made me realize that the life I had cultivated and the emotions I was feeling was a farce. Those were all things that were meant for a life with my fiancé and the reality that they are never coming back was finally beginning to sink in. I spent a lot of January at work in order to keep myself busy distracted. I even began the process of reopening my old woodworking business (locating supplies, replenishing inventory, designing new products, etc.). I was in a very good place when I first formed the business years ago and revisiting it has been very comforting and therapeutic. I will be sure to update everyone when things are available for purchase for those interested. At the beginning of February, my (ex)fiancé reached out to me. It was the first time that they had initiated conversation with me since we parted ways. I had tried multiple times in the past to communicate with them but was ignored. I thought I would appreciate them finally acknowledging me, and maybe I did, but in the moment it just confused me. I had a break down that night and began to hit myself in the head so much that I actually knocked myself out and gave myself a concussion. I spent the next week in bed. I ended up making a new friend at work in all this time, I call her “OP” (because she is so pretty that she is “over-powered”). She let me lean on her a lot mentally and emotionally while I was sorting all of this out. She even took me to a super fancy Valentines Ball. It was very upper echelon and ceremonial - a bunch of men in satin costumes paraded around these beautiful women until one of them was crowned for some reason - super weird but we still had a lot of fun. A couple of days after the ball, I got Covid. While I was gone from work, my boss put in his resignation. When I got back to work, (almost) all of my coworkers made it a point to come check on me, see how I was feeling, and welcome me back. Those same coworkers have also begun to project my boss’s responsibilities onto me under the assumption that I am to replace him. I struggle to fit in at work. I know I am plenty skilled for the job but I am very clearly a stray dog among pure breads there. I never really considered myself an integral part of the company because of those feelings but I see now that I am clearly the only person who is concerned with such things. The people I work with are my family, they need me, and I owe it to them (and myself) to step up. I approached the proper administrative staff and am now under review to replace my boss. I spent the following weeks installing the show that I have been building since the new year, Little Shop of Horrors. I’ve never worked as hard as I did in that time but it was so fucking fulfilling. The set was a challenge and it really gave me a chance to show off my abilities as a carpenter. It is my favorite set that I’ve ever built 🥰 Work Crush also put in their resignation last week, they will be gone after this week. I’m so mad and sad that they are leaving because we just got to a place where we can be friends again and when they leave I know I will never hear from them again. That is only upsetting though because they have become a symbol for everything I lost in 2021 and letting them go means accepting defeat. It’s for the best though, when they leave I will finally be able to move on. I plan on coming back to work, here and on stream, again in the near future but I am still figuring out where to fit it into my schedule with all of these changes and what terms or boundaries I need to set for myself and the viewers in order for me to feel comfortable and encouraged to do so. If you’re still around after all this time, thank you very much. P.S. Another caveat to returning to work is that I need a new laptop. Donations are welcome and appreciated but absolutely not necessary.
