taylorwould
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It’s been...a rollercoaster of feelings the last few months...
🕑 Added 2021-06-16 00:02:45 +0000 UTC It’s been...a rollercoaster of feelings the last few months. Pardon my fewer posts than normal. After having my guard up for years, I realized I’d completely fallen for the man that was always there for me. He’s patient, creative, communicative, comforting, accepting (beautiful- like fucking beautiful) ...just lived in California. I was headstrong that it would never work because of distance- and my need for closeness. But my feelings hit me like a ton of bricks during my recent failed dating stint. As I was snuggled up with that guy- all I could think about was him. I missed his smell, how he felt, his soothing voice. Everything. When I saw him in May- I knew those weren’t just thoughts- they were feelings. True and deep. Always there- just buried under self doubt. I knew I had to take my shot and commit to the fullest. IT WAS TIME. Then I realized he was in a happily committed relationship. My heart fell out of my body. I had prepared myself for the day he would inevitably get a partner- even practiced with my therapist on how I would feel 😅 I thought I would feel brief pain- but overwhelmingly happy he found someone who could go all in. That was...not the case. While I was thankful he found his partner- I was intensely regretful that it wasn’t me. I was too late. I broke my own heart with bad timing- which BTW- more painful than someone else doing it for you. I have to believe this happened the way it was supposed to. I’m sure I will learn many lessons. But for now there is sorrow & grief. If you have any advice- I’d be happy to hear it. Anyway, tiddies:
