*My Coming Out Story*
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Growing Up:
I grew up with my sexua..
🕑 Added 2023-06-21 15:23:32 +0000 UTC
*My Coming Out Story*
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Growing Up:
I grew up with my sexuality closeted (like most lbgtq+ ppl) because we lived in a world that outwardly displayed disapproval for that way of life. i was shielded by imagines of lesbians and gays kissing on tv. This was in the 90's. Even when i was unable to see any type of queerness. I knew deep down I was something different. I had a crush on a friend of mine and I was scared to tell anyone because I was told it was wrong and against god. I was also told, "you'll go to hell to burn for eternity if you are queer".
That shit scared the heck out of me. I would loose sleep at night thinking satan's demons are coming to get me, because i was different. I would cry praying to god saying, "why god, why was i born with this evil inside me...".
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Teens:
By this age, I never heard of the term transgender. I had no clue they even existed. I buried all my queerness deep inside my subconscious. Living my life for others conformability. I even was cruel to openly queer teens. I would tease them and pick on them.. even those i was deep down inside.
I was apart of the problem... but wasn't wise enough to realize how wrong i was behaving. Till one day, my best friend came out as transgender. It was the first time I ever heard of the term. They explained to me about how they feel and why they feel this way. When they were telling me, I felt similar feelings. But my ingrained fear and hate took over and I push those feelings away, again...
In school, my best pal would get bullied by all the students for being outwardly gay/ trans. I hate to say it, but i sorta distanced myself from them because i was afraid they would assume I was too..
I continued living a lie, representing myself as a super straight male..
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Adulthood:
Puberty is officially done. I'm a fully grow dude. I have a soon to be wife and a home with a cat. While being in a relationship with a cis women for 7yrs. I ever thought Id ever feel those feelings again. I actually forgot about them slightly. I almost dissociated it from myself. Till i started to have panic attacks for no reason. I was suffering from chronic anxiety and depression and I had no clue why. I was living a decent life but I felt unfulfilled... My panic attacks would be trigged if people made gay jokes or if I saw queer people in public. I started to realize my buried subconscious wanted out. I ended coming out to my sister and my girlfriend. My soon to be wife started to cry and ran out of the room and locked herself in another room. I cried myself to sleep that night because my biggest fear came true, "I would lose everyone if I came out" . However, my sister supported me 110%.
The next few weeks my girlfriend had trouble trusting me because I was bisexual the whole time but never told her. She said I lied to her for years. But i explained it was buried from trauma...
A few months after coming out as bisexual, I still felt unfulfilled... I looked deeper into my soul and realized I am transgender.. I never connected the dots on why i feel so depressed. Then I came out again to my girlfriend.. and that was the nail in the coffin... She left me and so did all my friends and I was alone. From there, I swore an oath to myself, "I will live my truth for the rest of my life!".
Even though I was so fucking depressed because my life turned upside down, I had hope.
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Present Day:
Two and a half years of transitioning and working on my mental health. I found myself! All the anxiety and depression faded. Life has color again and I truly feel fulfilled. I met my amazing partner and life has been a dream come true ever since! I have a new group of amazing friends too!
I even went back to apologize to all the people i've hurt over the years, including my trans-friend. They all forgave me for my actions.
Now I live my life day by day. Trying my best to be a good person and be there for others. I only wish to spread love, wisdom and acceptance during my life.
I am very grateful that i came out later than never. I wish I did things differently but thats how you learn. All that matters is right now.
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Thank you for reading my coming out story
