zeta_bb
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but first, a fun fact about me. someone asked me yesterday ..
🕑 Added 2020-11-20 18:10:08 +0000 UTC but first, a fun fact about me. someone asked me yesterday why I want a high percentage. “what does that mean for you though?” and I put down my phone and thought about it for a little bit. there is an unspoken understanding that the smaller you are, the better you’ll do in this industry. well, on cam at least. the higher the rank, the smaller the body. and I took that in. it’s hard not to honestly. if I let myself get remotely close to having curves, I’d run marathons. I’d do sprints 7 days a week. I wanted so badly to be successful on cam and I thought success meant I had to lose the curves as fast as possible. that was my top priority. making it on cam. now, my health is my top priority. I’m dedicated to listening to what my body needs and what it’s trying to tell me. that means fixing a broken metabolism which means CURVES! it means eating every 3 hours. it means reminding my body what it’s like to not be hungry. I’m not hungry in the morning because I have been skipping breakfast since....high school. my thyroid hasn’t worked properly since, can you guess? high school. there are many different factors that go into the function of the thyroid, of course, but what I’m getting at here is im no longer afraid of the curves my body puts on when health is my top priority. and having health be a top priority is a privilege. I wouldn’t be able to worry about my thyroid if I didn’t have enough money for rent, which is where I was financially after college working in the lab. How could I take care for myself when my top priority was college loans and rent money? a badass degree from a top public school landed me nowhere. now I not only have enough for rent, but I have enough to help me pay for alternative doctors, high quality food, shelter, and water. my health is my wealth and my wealth helps me keep up with my health. so why do I want a high percentage? freedom. freedom to heal, to grow, to travel, to give. better health care, better water, better sleep, and better ways to give back. why do I need a high percentage to feel safe pursuing care that should be given to all is a question that makes me sad to think about. we should all have access to clean water, food, and energy but we don’t. a high percentage also means different things on the psychological level. I’m progressing, it means I’m good at what I do. progression means respect, respect for myself and respect from others. some of my self worth is tied into my job, as it is for most. it used to a lot more, back when I was failing at cam. a high percent has given me the freedom to take some of my self worth and put it elsewhere. put energy into hobbies, healing, relationships, and my personal community. I understand there’s a cap for which money brings happiness but money brings security to those who have struggled. a high percentage gives me multiple levels of security. thank you for putting me here. for giving me security. for taking care of me in ways I didn’t even understand possible.
