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This upcoming weekend is Vietnamese Lunar New Year Tết, but ..
🕑 Added 2023-01-20 18:26:34 +0000 UTC This upcoming weekend is Vietnamese Lunar New Year Tết, but you're probably familiar with it being the Asian community's widely celebrated Holiday called Chinese New Year. This year is the year of the Cat in Vietnam, but in Chinese it's the Year of the Rabbit. So I think most people who know me irl know this about me, but to those who don't, I'm half Vietnamese & half white. It's always been a weird ambiguous place to be when it comes to celebrating my Vietnamese heritage because it's something I did with my birth family on my Dad's side & only my birth family. Not my friends, definitely not my acquaintances, & sure I would try to introduce it to my previous partners in small bite size chunks & through food that would be easy for the American palate, usually, 😏 unless it was a joke & I wanted to laugh at someone's expression while they try something alien to them for the first time with me. 😂 I mean, I'm not gonna say I haven't done that ... But usually, my knee jerk reaction to sharing my experiences is that if I introduce ANYTHING, it has to go through this weird "will they like it? will they hate it? Or do I know enough about this thing to share it?" filter. Being mixed often comes with the baggage of feeling like you don't fit in anywhere because (1.) Maybe you don't look Vietnamese enough or you don't look white enough. & (2.) Maybe you don't speak Vietnamese fluently so that's also bad & something you should definitely be ashamed about. - Maybe I'll share a story about trying to learn Vietnamese as a kid in "Vietnamese Grammar School" thru my dad's Catholic church for another day... but also maybe not, because it's not a fun one... & (3.) You often feel inadequate & ashamed about not feeling like you're the best person to explain or represent something that you grew up with because you never thought of yourself as a good representation of one group or another, & this counts for family situations, or in public spaces. Even the thought of going on a trip with a friend or with previous partners to Vietnam is something I never felt like I could do with them because I'd think "oh they hate hot/humid weather, so I couldn't bring them there" or "I'd hate for them to feel like they couldn't eat anything" or "I'd hate for anyone to have me as their tour guide when I can only speak broken baby-level grammar Vietnamese." For the longest time as a kid, the only things I knew how to say in Vietnamese was requesting for very basic things like food, & according to my Vietnamese friends at the time in grade school (& I'll admit it was actually really funny, though) after I'd jokingly show them how I'd speak, they would always ask, why do you talk like a baby?? 😂 (referring to my very bad grammar or choice of words lol). While it was freaking hilarious sure, I did feel frustrated & stupid that I couldn't speak more fluently. So anyway it's a lot of pent up anxiety in feeling like I can't share something about myself with new people that I really enjoy because I'm stuck in the place of feeling like I'm not enough & that what I can share might be not everyone's cup of tea. The reason why I bring this up today is because I've been practicing in feeling less shameful about where I am in life, & reversing those feelings to instead feel proud of who I am in getting to where I have gotten with the tools in my belt that I have, & with the experiences that I've had the privilege to experience. I'm happy to be me, even if I'm mixed, even if I suck at speaking Vietnamese fluently, or that I'm not always the most knowledgeable about a thing, or even if I'm not always going to fit in in the spaces I go to. And I'm happy to be able to share briefly about my silly memories of growing up half Vietnamese, & maybe I'll share more in the future. But I'm also here to say, maybe you should check out Vietnamese or Chinese New Year celebrations near you this weekend, & enjoy the fun celebration! Try some new food, ask for recommendations on what to try, & don't feel ashamed to celebrate something with others just because you feel like you don't know enough, or because you feel inadequate. People can be pretty friendly when you express that you are genuinely interested & just want to know more. 🧧 You're not inadequate or stupid for not knowing everything, so stop telling yourself that, & go have fun. ♥️ 📸: Rdf photography
