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Post about Me and My Mind 🥹😭💔 I want to share how I sometim..
🕑 Added 2023-11-06 09:34:09 +0000 UTC Post about Me and My Mind 🥹😭💔 I want to share how I sometimes disappear, not because of obligations or a busy schedule, but simply because I can vanish for hours and more. I sit on the couch and immerse myself in reflecting on my feelings, emotions, fears, and experiences. Sometimes, it feels like I could spend the whole day this way. Recently, in anticipation of Halloween, I posted about not needing masks, costumes, or masquerades. However, iCloud reminded me of videos and photos taken two years ago. Seeing how I dressed, my behavior, and how I’m treated myself, these mixed emotions overwhelmed me as I revisited those videos and photos. Why did I dress like that back then? Was I seeking attention or something else? I still don't fully understand. At that time, I always wanted to find love, but my behavior and outfits screamed something else. It was truly a cry for help: "Look at me, save me." The motives behind my actions remain a mystery. And why did I even go to the party for 2-3 days dressed like that? Now, looking back after therapy, treatment, six months of sobriety, and significant self-work, I've found comfort in accepting myself as I am. I can now wear the clothes I like and feel confident without creating provocative images. While browsing through old photos, I still experience complex emotions. I debated whether to share this experience as it's personal, but where else can I share it but here? Two years later, I view it all differently. I still can't believe who I used to be and who I've become now. Perhaps I feel very lonely, maybe because I no longer find interest in cocktails, gossip, parties, and shopping sprees. Authenticity and genuineness appeal to me more. My life is about being in the moment and continuing my self-improvement journey. A healthy lifestyle, to me, is not just about food and exercise; it's about my inner world—how I think, envision my future, what I aspire to, who I want to be, what goes on inside my head, how I perceive others, and how I react to situations happening to me and in the world. I realize in this aspect, I feel utterly alone, so I delve deep into myself. And yes, two years ago, I didn't have much of a rear end, and my skin was far from perfect. The feeling of awkwardness hasn't left me. What do you think about all of this? The opinion of my friends matters to me…
