violetfugazzi posts
Posts: 325
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The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The s..
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?" *The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"*
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear i..
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… *…then my illegal logging business is a success*
85%of people in North America don't know basic math. *Thank..
85%of people in North America don't know basic math. *Thanks God I'm from the other 25%* These panties are 25% off! 😉
Why don’t women wear skirts in the winter? *They will get c..
Why don’t women wear skirts in the winter? *They will get chapped lips.*
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video ..
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much... *What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.*
I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the m..
I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.
Back in the day, excessive use of commas was considered a ve..
Back in the day, excessive use of commas was considered a very serious crime. *It usually resulted in a long sentence.*
**StepSis Double Countdown JOI** Oh hey there step-bro. Sta..
**StepSis Double Countdown JOI** Oh hey there step-bro. Staring at me again huh? What would your wife think if she knew you were such a filthy pervert? You better convince me not to tell her. Take your cock out- Stroke it for me. Lets have some fun- How long have you been dreaming about what my tits look like? If you blow a nice be load for me when I count you down, I’ll let you see them. I demand every last drop though- Even if that takes 2 countdowns and a hell of a lot of teasing. Don’t let me down. Blow it all on my ass. ***TIP 77 on ...
What do you call it when you put syrup in the washing machin..
What do you call it when you put syrup in the washing machine? *A viscous cycle*
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and ..
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. *If I'm honest, it was a Rocky Road.*
What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?..
What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets? *Tally Hoes.*
What do monkeys and chainsaws have in common? *They both fu..
What do monkeys and chainsaws have in common? *They both fuck up trees!*
How does a genome eat ice cream? *Helix it* How about you..
How does a genome eat ice cream? *Helix it* How about you give me a lick? 😈
I was having trouble with my laptop, so I called Apple suppo..
I was having trouble with my laptop, so I called Apple support. *They asked, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?' I said, ‘Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'* **If you’re into legs and feet, you're not going to want to miss these pictures!**
Why don't pirates travel on mountain roads? *'Scurvy*
Why don't pirates travel on mountain roads? *'Scurvy*
TIL when some beers pour, they make a distinct melody. *I w..
TIL when some beers pour, they make a distinct melody. *I would try use math to predict which, but I have never been good with lager rhythmic functions.*
Why should you never mess with an Italian pastry chef? *Bec..
Why should you never mess with an Italian pastry chef? *Because he'll beat the foccacia.*
How does Rob Zombie make brownies? *EGGS, milk and flour an..
How does Rob Zombie make brownies? *EGGS, milk and flour and BAKE, for half an hour and FROST, with the back of my SPATULA!*
Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet? *Bec..
Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet? *Because the others are Not-Cs*
Tinder hookups are like microwave dinners. *Done in 2 minut..
Tinder hookups are like microwave dinners. *Done in 2 minutes, looks nothing like the picture, but just good enough to make you come back for more when you are desperate and nothing better is available*
I typed “ninjas” into the online dictionary. It said “ninjas..
I typed “ninjas” into the online dictionary. It said “ninjas cannot be found.” *Well played ninjas, well played.*
A naked woman robbed a bank in broad daylight *She wasn't c..
A naked woman robbed a bank in broad daylight *She wasn't caught, cause no one from the bank remembers her face.*
How do you make a candle really happy? *Give it a blow, it’..
How do you make a candle really happy? *Give it a blow, it’ll be delighted.*
What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role ..
What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry? *Popcorn!*
When I was 6, Santa gave me coal for Christmas, so the next ..
When I was 6, Santa gave me coal for Christmas, so the next year I decided to get back at him and poison his cookies. **Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad.**
Animal shelters must hire the worst people. Everyone is alwa..
Animal shelters must hire the worst people. Everyone is always trying to rescue cats and dogs from there. You won't need any rescuing when I'm sitting on your face though-
Why does pirate likes to eat pie? *Because PIE RATING is in..
Why does pirate likes to eat pie? *Because PIE RATING is in their job description.*
"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long a..
"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast. "Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast.
On Cyber Monday, I got a great deal on a threesome porno It ..
On Cyber Monday, I got a great deal on a threesome porno It was a 2-in-1 special
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his birthday cake? *He w..
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his birthday cake? *He was already stuffed!*
