bambibluehair posts
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So there I was, ready to spill the beans about the surprise party. But guess what? I fucked up big time and sent it to the person we were supposed to surprise! π I mean, talk about the ultimate surprise-spoiler alert! I had to do some quick damage control, like, 'Surprise! You weren't supposed to know, but now you do!'
Okay, this is it because all of you freaks are just giving me too much to laugh about! The last one, I promise!! I thought, "Why not post a cheese joke online?" I hit that share button, and bam! It got a 'gouda' amount of likes! It was like my joke had turned into a viral sensation, spreading laughter like melted cheese on nachos. I guess people couldn't resist the allure of a good cheesy joke. Who knew cheese could be so 'social'?!
I busted out a cheese joke that was so 'cheddar' cheesy, it could've melted a steel heart! I glanced around and could 'brie'-ly contain my amusement as I saw the envy in their eyes. It was like I had just dropped a comedy cheese bomb, and they were left in a state of dairy disbelief!
So, I told my friend, "Hey, wanna hear a cheese pun?" They were like, "Sure, hit me with it!" I warned them, "Well, it might be too 'gouda' to be true!" They groaned I laughed, and together, we realized that cheesy jokes are the best thing since sliced bread, or in this case, sliced cheese!
Needless to say, the trip from the sky didn't actually fucking happen because before take-off I was like NOPE!! This is not the thing for me today. There's clearly no elevator to get the fuck off when I am ready so, I am not gonna hop into the air and attempt to be graceful on my way down to earth.
I really thought I was being fucking clever... As we boarded the plane, I couldn't resist asking the instructor, "Hey, is there an escalator option for getting back down?" The look on his face told me I was in for a wild ride. I mean, why jump out of a perfectly good plane when there could be a much fancier, more gradual exit
Alright, so I followed the 'How to Skydive' manual like a champ. Step 1: Suit up β check! Step 2: Climb into the plane β nailed it! But then, at Step 3, I looked out the tiny plane window and had a revelation: I'm terrified of heights. Suddenly, my grand adventure felt more like an epic episode of What the FUCK were you thinking??
The fucking light in the fridge, it's not there to guide you to snacks; it's there to make sure you don't snack alone! It's like a culinary bat signal for all creatures within a mile radius. So, if you're indulging in a midnight munchfest, just remember, the fridge's bright idea is to share the fun!
It's pitch black, and I'm tiptoeing to the fridge like a ninja on a top-secret mission. So I don't wake the furbabies! Those little furballs are the masters of guilt trips. So, there I am, stealthily opening the fridge, hoping that the crinkly cheese wrapper won't betray me. Midnight snacks: the struggle is fucking REAL!!
In the dead of night, my fridge starts flirting with me! It's like, "Hey there, remember those leftovers? I'm chilling, and they're waiting!" I mean, who am I to resist such seductive illumination? The fridge, with its cool charm, always wins. Midnight snack missions are like secret affairs with my cold-hearted culinary accomplice.
Stuck into another internet wormhole!! Oral sex was illegal in Canada until 1969!! FFS, this shit has to be made up. How did they even prevent this? π It wasn't just oral!! It was anal too! Sodomy bans are fucking RUDE!! And also so last century! Thank fuck we live in a world where people are WAY more understanding of all the needs we have. No wonder divorces were so high in those days!!
